The Wall Street Journal-20080129-Best of the Juggle - Excerpts from WSJ-com-s Work - Family Blog
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Best of the Juggle / Excerpts from WSJ.com's Work & Family Blog
Full Text (701 words)'Not Fair'? Child Can Learn
Much From Parent's Response
Most parents have heard their child protest, "It's not fair!" Often, it comes from sibling rivalry -- someone gets to stay up later or receives a new pair of shoes. Just as often, parents try to broker a deal or compensate to keep things equal.
A new book by parenting consultant Betsy Brown Braun, "Just Tell Me What to Say," looks at how to respond to a myriad of parenting issues, and counsels a different approach. Ms. Braun says that parents should be helping their children understand that the real world isn't always equitable. She suggests that parents eliminate "that's not fair" from daily usage and stop trying to treat kids equally.
Readers say:
"I think making it clear to your children that life isn't fair is the best thing you can do for them. . . . Understanding this at the outset gives the child incredible power."
"Life often isn't fair, but that doesn't mean that your kids have to sit there and take it. If everybody had a 'Life's unfair -- deal with it' approach to life, we'd never have activists, change [or] productive rabble-rousing of any kind."
Happy Birthday, Again
Shopping for birthday presents is a recurring weekend errand for us. Our daughter's school, like many these days, has an informal policy that all the kids in the class need to be invited to birthday parties. So we're often looking at two birthday parties a month.
I'm not begrudging getting my daughter's classmates presents, but the costs can add up. I'm friendly with many of the families in the class, and I don't want to look cheap, so I usually spend about $30 a gift. Judging from some of the packages presented on the "gift table" at a recent party, that's the low end of the spectrum. I also like to take my time shopping for the gifts, being careful to avoid overly commercial toys or those with multiple small parts that I know could drive a parent crazy.
Perhaps I'm overthinking gift buying. But I don't like spending my money on junk. Any tips for creative, thoughtful gifts that don't require a lot of hunting around, and don't break the bank?
Readers say:
"Stock up when toys are on sale. . . . You may not get exactly what you want, but it's one gift of 20 they'll receive -- perfection is not the goal."
"I have a 3-year-old and we are just starting the birthday-party circuit. In fact, we have one tomorrow and I can't even tell you if the birthday child is a girl or boy. I try not to spend more than $15 to $20 on a gift -- usually, some fun tights and sunglasses for the girls; puzzles and a book for the boys."
Making the 'Mommy Track' Disappear
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By Jennifer Merritt
The term "mommy track" has always bothered me, in part because it leaves out the many dads who actively participate in the juggle.
Take my husband for example. When he was negotiating the details of his new job a year and a half ago, one of his top requirements was flexibility. He told his would-be manager early in the negotiations that he'd need to leave before 5 p.m. three or four days a week, and he was honest about why (to pick up our son from day care). I know of at least two other fathers who've also asked for adjusted schedules -- without repercussions that a lot of moms seem to face. I've long wondered if the mommy track will go away, in theory, if more dads start asking for flexibility.
Readers say:
"I agree that the 'mommy track' . . . will morph into a 'family track.' On the flip side, as technology increases and our economy moves even further into knowledge services and innovation, I don't see a problem for working people to have a balanced life."
"My husband and I both have demanding jobs, with travel. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he has been judged much more harshly by his colleagues than I have by mine for having to aggressively manage his time."
